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Based in Bangkok, Thailand

© 2019 Nikon Gormley

Inner Spark Group

What I don't want you to know about me...

July 17, 2019

 

Here's something I don't want you to know about me. 🤫

I love control. Not control over people but control over time and my future. I love well-thought out plans. I love knowing exactly what is and is not going to happen. I love air-tight strategies for growth and development. For any presentations I have to give I will secretly over prepare because I don't want to screw up. I have become an expert at manipulating my inner game to create results. It is so tiring and it never ends. 😵

I do this because I'm afraid of "not-knowing what is going to happen". I've come to see Control as form of self-soothing. It helps me feel like I am making "progress" and that "I am in charge". 🌧️

It also holds me back. A lot. I can be so fixed in how something is supposed to happen that I close off any space for myself to be delighted and surprised. 🌧️

Lately I've been playing at my edges and letting go of the fear of not knowing and having more faith in serendipity and in my innate wisdom. I was curious to see what would be possible. 💥

What I've come to see is that EVERYTHING is possible AND on offer. Everything. ⚡

Recently, a Teacher that I have been studying and I have been wanting to meet in person, suddenly announced a Retreat in Singapore at the end of year! 🎯

In my mind, this was something that was impossible - I always thought that I would have to travel to the US to meet this teacher in person. I am delighted and surprised - and kind of pissed that my controlling ways had very little to do in making this happen for myself. 🤣

It makes me think of all the other things I am trying to "make" happen forcibly. I'm slowing down and opening myself up MORE to "I have no idea what's going to happen - and I'm excited". 🎯

What are you currently trying to "make" happen? ❤️

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