The Other Side
The Other Side 🌊
I had a conversation with my colleague who is an extraordinary coach, speaker and trainer in Canada; Kryssie Thomson. I had asked her to help me prepare for a talk I'm giving at a Tech Conference in November.
And in that conversation, I had shared with her about how I'm at a place of "surrender" in my life and business and I'm really just allowing "what wants to emerge" to emerge. And things are really flowing in beautiful and spectacular ways. 🥰
And Kryssie said to me "I'm envious happy for you". In that moment, I realized I'm full of shit. 🤔
I'm so good at sharing my high-lights with people and social medial. However, I'm terrible at sharing my behind the scenes - the dark stuff in between the highlights. 🤐
You see, what it looks like on the outside is often very different to what it feels like on the inside. 🔥
So I told Kryssie that... so much crap had to happen for me to get to this place of surrender because really, it was all that was left. In the past, I've been really good at putting all my energy into controlling outcomes to drive myself and my businesses forward, and most of those efforts ended up NOT working out. Then I burned out. Then I gave up on trying so damn hard and trying to prove stuff (mostly to myself) that I didn't have to. And that's when I really surrendered and learned how to let go and let the universe take over for a bit.
So here are some of the things on "The Other Side" that I don't want you to know about me; 🤫
🎭 I was in a relationship for 10 months. I wanted this person to be THE ONE so bad, that I completely ignored all the incompatibilities and red flags. The whole thing completely blew up and ended really badly. I secretly think that I'm too complicated and that I'm too "fill-in-the-blank" to have any romantic relationship work for me - so it's best to just not even try. I tell myself that I work better alone and that it's better this way anyway.
🎭 Running an International Coaching & Consulting Business, a Taekwondo Academy with 6x Branches with almost 100 students, and helping with a Family Business is.....at times..... exhausting. It really is. There are days where I wonder if it's worth it. I secretly crave for a day on the calendar when nothing is scheduled - yet I also worry when there is nothing scheduled.
🎭 Being a Taekwondo athlete is exhausting too. Did you know that it takes me 3 hours to go and come back from training? And each training session is about 3 hours long. Often times I will double down on training times because I feel like I am not doing enough; I'd rather train at the gym then go out and socialize. I secretly doubt I'll ever be good enough to play at the level my heart desires.
🎭 With all the opportunities that come in, I often feel overwhelmed and afraid. I don't really really know what I'm doing but at the same time I know I'm really really good when I show up in the moment and I invite magic to work through me. I secretly fear that this ability will one day run out of juice and that will be it. I'll be done.
🎭 I secretly compare myself to every successful coach/athlete that I look up to. It makes me push harder, but for all the wrong reasons. I secretly wish I could just arrive at where they are without having to work for it.
🎭 I'm not alone but I often feel lonely. I'm really good at keeping myself busy with my businesses so I don't have to sit and deal with it. I strive to give everyone around me THE BEST of me, which at the end of the day leaves very little of "me" for Me.
Now you know my stuff. 😌
And with that said, I absolutely my love my life. I wake up excited and curious about the day. I am so so so grateful that I get to SERVE the people in my circles in beautiful and wonderful ways. I am supported and I am challenged by amazing coaches, teachers and mentors. I don't really know where I'm headed but I know it's going to be spectacular. It's something I genuinely feel in bones. 🥰
So don't let my shiny Gold Medals fool you. Don't let other people's shiny Gold Medals fool you as well. What it looks like on the outside is rarely how it feels on the inside.
Oh waittttt, almost forgot.
Just for today! 👈🏻
✅ Notice where YOU ARE being full of shit.
✅ Be 5% less full of shit.
I love you, Nikon